I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
