It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
