i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
