she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
