I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize