i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
