I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
