Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize