I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
