when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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