The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
