Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
