Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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