Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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