she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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