lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
