he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
