Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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