Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
