Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
