Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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