Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize