Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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