Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I deserve this hangover.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize