They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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