I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
