Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
