What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize