Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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