you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
