When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
