please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
