he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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