bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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