Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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