How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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