Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize