shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
