shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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