Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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