I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
