you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
