that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so let's talk penis.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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