I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
