I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
