Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
