Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
