I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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