His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
