he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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