You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got inside last night via doggy door
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
