Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
