What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
