Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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