okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
