need another drink. this is the easiest way
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
