Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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