True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
