I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
