I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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