Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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