Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
