Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
