My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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