just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
