Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
