3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
