THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
