it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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