I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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