Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
