is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
