Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
