O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
