Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
