Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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