I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize