she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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