I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
