i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
