as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
