I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize