He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she smelled like a LAN party
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
