do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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