i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
