Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
