...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
