Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
