I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize