I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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