ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize