the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
