Only a mothe r could love this liver
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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