I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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