I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
