I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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