Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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