Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
