Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
