Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
