508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
